Carnal Beasts
by John Wade
Summary: WARNING: This is rated M for Mature due to future lemon, lime, sex, strong language, yaoi, yuri, incest, bondage, rape, torture, suicide, murder, necrophilia, abduction, pedophilia, abuse, nudity, vulgarity, and mutilation. Carnal Beasts is mine!


_**Carnal Beasts**_

_BY: John Wade_

_This is rated M for Mature due to future lemon, lime, sex, strong language, yaoi, yuri, incest, bondage, rape, torture, suicide, murder, necrophilia, abduction, pedophilia, abuse, nudity, vulgarity, and mutilation._

_Chapter One:_

_Admissions Of A Silent Love_

_Yet again, another day passes as I sit in my seat across from the silent girl with the blonde hair. As she stares intently at the black sketchbook in front of her deep blue eyes. I raise my head a little more and stare in awe at her god-like art skills. Just from the way that she draws and how she acts, I can tell that she is different. She is unique, not quite unlike myself. Every day I get on my knees and plead with myself to ask her out, but my inner being does not seem to realize that she is my sole remaining lifeline. I have given up all hope on life and only look forward to the few minutes a day I get to bask in her presence._

_ I try so hard to get the courage and ask her out, but just like all of the previous days, I fail miserably and remind myself repeatedly how undeserving I am anyways. I am scared of both end results that can take place with one simple question. If it were to be a no then I'd lose everything…I'd lose my dream of being with her. And if it were a yes I'm not sure that I'd be able to ever forgive myself; I've done horrible things in my past and know that I'll always be unworthy to the loveliest girl on the face of this sad and lonely Earth. And so I continued to remain in my silent state of solitude as I watched the girl I love from afar._

_ Now a whole year later I get on the bus, I sit in the seat in front of her, and do nothing. Nothing but continue to scream inside my skull to ask her. But how can I? She would never say yes, and as I said before: I am simply unworthy. Me asking her would be an insult; my situation is more severe in my eyes, but it is as if the devil arises from the depths of Hell, bursts through the gates of Heaven and were to proclaim his love for the almighty god._

_ Realizing that I've been spacing off I turn my head to the right, looking out the window I see the depressing sight which is my school. I follow the grudging line of students off of the bus, my eyes burning for the lack of emotion which is the only thing I desire. Tears I hold back with every ounce of what strength I've left. They beg to spring forth and show how the silent rejection affects me so._

_ Writing morbid novels is the only thing I do now. However, my hope on becoming an author slowly loses the burning passion it once lit in my fragile heart. I __**must**__ have something to make my life have meaning, and now I am down to the last lifeline: Kathleen. The beautiful girl I want to be with…._

_ My thoughts are interrupted as the school bus appears at the curb, sighing I get on. A small miracle happens, no I didn't grow a pair and ask her out, but we did start talking. We were conversing on the bus rides regularly now. I guess I'd begun to show my true feelings for Kathleen, because on one ride home, my cousin Suzaku caught on. Later that night he gave me two options: to tell her how I feel or watch as he did. Kathleen and I had started to grow closer, but only as friends. I love Kathleen more than I do anything else, so I only crossed my fingers hoping against my awful reality that she'd say yes._

_ The next morning I greeted my love once more on the bus. This time however I told her that I didn't sleep all that well the previous night. As I'd hoped, she asked why and I told her because I was too excited and nervous. Again she asked me why and I replied that I was going to ask someone out today. I then turn to my notebook and pretend to be looking at something for a few seconds before peeking my head around the seat again, blushing a shade of red I ask, "So, do you want to go out with me?" After a little while of passing notes, I receive my answer: "Cool, I will gladly date you." This was the beginning of us becoming something more than friends…._

_ Only on our second month, we have grown inseparable, and perhaps for more than one reason. The mutual love we share knows no bounds, but what else is surprising is that we are more alike than I'd thought. Kathleen's past too was full of agonizing pain and such a faint hope to count on. Although I was correct when I said I wasn't deserving because I am obviously not the best guy; in fact I am probably closer, if not, the worst. And as for our pasts, they were both filled with awful, appalling events, but I was the one who had actually done horrible things in this lifetime. All of Kathleen's sorrow filled tales were things that were done to her._

_Though it kills me to watch her settle for someone less, she assures me that she loves me. I would rather have myself be in pain than her, but Kathleen has told me time and again that she only wants me and would weep till she bled from her very eyes if I were to die. I still cannot see how she can have such pure feelings for a creature so strange and dark, but as long as Kathleen wants me, I'll be there._


End file.
